


best friends, ex-friends

by fumerie (grisclair)



Category: Super Junior, Super Junior-M
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-10
Updated: 2011-05-10
Packaged: 2017-11-21 12:48:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/597936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grisclair/pseuds/fumerie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyuhyun landed in Beijing on a Friday afternoon. "That makes no sense," he told his manager, "the interviews don't even start until Monday," but there was a flight ticket under his name for Seoul - Beijing, Friday four in the afternoon, so off he went.</p>
            </blockquote>





	best friends, ex-friends

**Author's Note:**

> Can be read as follow-up to ["in it for the show, baby."](http://grisclair.livejournal.com/30369.html)

-

  
Kyuhyun landed in Beijing on a Friday afternoon. "That makes no sense," he told his manager, "the interviews don't even start until Monday," but there was a flight ticket under his name for Seoul - Beijing, Friday four in the afternoon, so off he went. He changed his watch on the way to custom check. Lost an hour, gained an hour. He called Zhou Mi while waiting for a taxi, a mere click away since it was the contact number first in his message inbox. Zhou Mi picked up on the second ring. "Hello, it's Guixian," he said in Mandarin, slow and enunciated the same way he did when they'd first started out in China. "I'm at the airport, where are you?"

Zhou Mi was a notch away from shrieking his name, same as always. He sounded genuinely excited, and Kyuhyun couldn't help but smile at the familiar rush of accented Korean. "Kuixian! When did you land? How was the flight? Why didn't you tell me your landing time I could have come to pick you up! Do you want me to come pick you up!"

Kyuhyun squinted in the sun. He should have remembered his giant sunglasses. "I'm already in the taxi, no precious time to waste waiting for you. Are you at home? Have you made it sparkly clean for the arrival of yours truly yet?"

There was rustling noise on the other end of the line, laughter, and soft-spoken Chinese that obviously wasn't meant for him. "Uh, okay, wait..." Zhou Mi sounded distracted, and Kyuhyun's smile didn't falter, but he might have clutched his phone a little tighter. "No, actually I'm at... hm... no, it's okay, how long is it until you get to the city centre, Kuixian?"

"Forty minutes? Half an hour? I don't know."

"Okay, I'll wait for you!"

Kyuhyun put away his phone, pulled up the collar of his coat and walked to the nearest taxi. He told the driver Zhou Mi's address, little lines typed neatly in a nameless note file in his phone.

  


-

  
(Growing up, Cho Kyuhyun always got what he wanted. A new computer, a Math Olympics prize, an entrance exam pass, a singing career in the industry's most prestigious company, even getting his life back from a fatal car crash, or his own solo career after Super Junior. That was how Cho Kyuhyun lived - if he just tried hard enough, he always got what he wanted, be it physical merits or everyone's affection. The golden boy, someone would say with a sneer. Spoiled rotten. Sometimes he wondered whether he really deserved it and what it would feel like not to have what he wanted.)

  


-

  
Zhou Mi greeted him with an enthusiastic hug at the doorstep. He was dressed in his nice pants and a cream-coloured jacket. Kyuhyun patted his shoulders awkwardly.

"You look great! Did you get a new haircut for the new single promotion?" Zhou Mi pulled him in along with his little suitcase. Kyuhyun touched his hair unconsciously.

"Yeah, just yesterday actually. Somehow your apartment looks cleaner than last time I was here."

Zhou Mi laughed, hitting him in the arm. "Of course it's cleaner without you living here. You want something to drink?"

Kyuhyun tried to look offended but failed. He dragged his bag into the guest bedroom instead while Zhou Mi wandered off to the kitchen. Nothing had changed, Kyuhyun took a deep breath as he threw his coat on the bed. The same off-white bedsheet, same leopard print duvet, same matching pillows. He wandered out of the room. Zhou Mi was not in the living room nor the kitchen, so he pushed the door of Zhou Mi's bedroom open. The older man was sitting on the floor, typing away on his laptop that was on the bed. Zhou Mi raised his head when Kyuhyun came in.

"Ah! Sorry, I had your drink out in the living room! I was just finishing up this email."

"It's okay, go on," Kyuhyun shrugged and glanced around the room. Still the same as the last time he'd been there, of course. There were just more postcards from different places on the wall. Random accessories strewn across the table. Actually, a new bag on the coat hanger. Kyuhyun felt pretty sad that he could remember Zhou Mi's entire bag collection to recognise a new one. "Any plan for tonight?" He flopped down on Zhou Mi's bed, stretching his back.

"Actually, no," Zhou Mi shrugged, eyes still glued to the screen, "do you have any plan? When do you have to start your schedules?"

"Interviews are starting on Monday, but I have to go into the company tomorrow, and there's something on Sunday... I can't remember."

Zhou Mi made a humming noise, "You're going to be busy. Your single is going to do great though! I love the song. Your Chinese has really improved!"

He had sent Zhou Mi the song last month. "I've been singing Chinese for seven years, what did you expect! My Chinese is better than your Korean now."

Zhou Mi rolled his eyes but he was grinning. "Sure, Kuixian, what did you expect, I haven't been singing Korean for three years."

Kyuhyun kicked Zhou Mi's laptop lightly, but enough to elicit a shriek from the older man. He laughed loudly.

Three years.

  


-

  
They ended up slurping noodle and surfing the internet for popular Chinese songs, just like old times. "It's a tradition," Zhou Mi had exclaimed. Kyuhyun attempted to sing along in the worst mangled pronunciation possible, and Zhou Mi just laughed hysterically and flopped around on the bed. "Kuixian, stop, stop, I can't breathe!" He wailed, hitting Kyuhyun with a Mario pillow. They collapsed on the bed together, nearly toppling the noodle bowls over. Zhou Mi's leg was hanging off his hips. Kyuhyun pushed at it half-heartedly.

"You're heavy, get off."

Zhou Mi rested his arm on Kyuhyun's face.

"Yah!"

He wiggled against Zhou Mi's warmth, but slowly settled down. It was warm, even though Zhou Mi still had no meat on his bones.

"This is just like old times." Zhou Mi murmured, and Kyuhyun shivered as Zhou Mi's hot breath blew against the back of his head. "Like how you used to pester me to look for solo songs to perform in Super Junior M's random radio shows and fanmeetings." 

"Uh huh." Kyuhyun lied still, not daring to move. Zhou Mi's arm was still in his face, squashing his cheek. And nearly broke his nose when the phone suddenly rang. A very obnoxious pop song of some girlband whose name Kyuhyun couldn't remember. Zhou Mi scrambled out of bed, reaching for his phone. Kyuhyun slumped further into the mattress, pulling up the duvet around him. Zhou Mi needed to turn up the heating in his room.

He watched as Zhou Mi greeted whoever on the other side of the phone with excitement, but then his rapid Chinese softened. Zhou Mi was standing with his back facing him, but Kyuhyun could see the way his posture changed, the most relaxed and open he had been all day. Kyuhyun slowly sat up on the bed. His Chinese still wasn't that fluent, but he knew enough. He patted Zhou Mi's shoulders on his way out and waved him goodnight with a smile. Zhou Mi waved back and mouthed "goodnight" at him.

  


-

  
"Kuixian!"

There was a banging sound, followed by a yelp of pain. Kyuhyun wanted to throw a pillow in the direction of the doorway, but he was still too sleepy to move.

"Kuixian! It's morning!"

Kyuhyun made a gurgling sound in his throat. It wasn't long before something was shaking his shoulders. He blindly threw his arm out and hit something... someone square in the face. There was another yelp of pain. Kyuhyun felt vindicated.

"Okay, fine, whatever." Something heavy and cold touched his cheek. Metal. Pointy. "I have to go to the TV station today, so I'm leaving the apartment keys with you, okay? I don't know if I'm coming home tonight either, so just keep them."

Kyuhyun opened his eyes blearily. "You have work?"

"Yes," Zhou Mi ruffled his hair, "Do you remember which key is which?"

"Mhmm," Kyuhyun pushed Zhou Mi's hand away from his messy hair, "You staying at your boyfriend's place tonight?"

"I don't know yet, I might be." Zhou Mi stood up from the bed. Kyuhyun pulled his duvet further up to his chin.

"How's he?" It just occurred to him that he hadn't asked at all the previous day.

"Hm? Oh, he's great. I have to go now, see you later! If you need anything just give me a call!"

Zhou Mi waved at him from the doorway. Kyuhyun waved back.

"Great."

  


-

  
("I want to tell you something. I haven't told anyone else about this. I don't know really know how to say this, to be honest." They were halfway through their bottle of baijiu when Zhou Mi started fiddling with his bracelet.

"What is it?" Kyuhyun looked up, chin in hands.

"Guess!" Zhou Mi sounded too excited for the news to be something bad, but not that kind of pure excitement when it was something work-related. This was something more... personal. Something he couldn't quite put a word on.

"What, you're going to get married?" He asked, half in jest and half in dreaded expectation.

"No! What are you talking about, I'm too young for that!" Zhou Mi laughed, but the foreboding in his stomach didn't quite ease. "It's just, I don't know, I think... I really like someone."

The smile was frozen on his lips, but that didn't matter because Zhou Mi was not looking at him. "Oh? Who is it?"

"Oh, you don't know him, we met through mutual friends a while back... I didn't expect anything but somehow we turned out to be strangely compatible. We started talking and, I don't know, it just really surprised me how much he could understand me." Zhou Mi turned to look at him then, eyes wide and sincere, and he didn't have to ask but Zhou Mi told him the whole story anyway. The short history of him and this stranger man. He'd managed to down another quarter of the bottle halfway through, but he didn't think Zhou Mi really noticed. 

"So yeah. I couldn't tell anyone because we have so many mutual friends and it'd just be awkward, and you are not- I mean, you don't interact with my friends here so it's safe. Sorry for dumping the whole thing on you, but I really needed to let that out."

"It's fine," Kyuhyun smiled.

"Thank you." Zhou Mi grasped his hand.

"It's fine," Kyuhyun was still smiling.)

  


-

  
Zhou Mi sent him a text at four in the afternoon.

_are u free tonight wanna meet up for dinner he wants to meet you?_

He ended up staring at his phone throughout his three hours in the recording studio. He made the call on his fifth break. His manager was frowning.

"Hey, Donghae-hyung!"

"Kyuhyun!" Donghae shouted on the other of the line. Kyuhyun backed away from his phone a little. "Hey, how are you doing! It's been a while since you last called!"

"Yeah, haha," Kyuhyun scratched his head, "I heard you were filming a drama in Beijing right now."

"Yeah!" Donghae paused, "Wait, don't tell me... are you in Beijing right now?" 

"Yes I am. For the promotion of my new single."

"Awesome! Congratulations, Kyuhyun! We should meet up!"

"Yeah, actually... I'm going out for dinner with Zhou Mi tonight, would you like to join hyung?"

"Uh..." There was rustling noise on the other side, Donghae was probably checking his schedule. "Tonight, sure! I won't be off until eight though."

Kyuhyun let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. "That's fine, I'll tell him. See you tonight hyung, I'll text you the place."

"See you Kyuhyunie!"

Thank god for small miracles that came in the form of Lee Donghae, Kyuhyun shook his head with a small smile.

  


-

  
Donghae was a whirlwind of excitement and boisterous laughter when they met. He had grown into his own skin since the end of Super Junior, a man confident on his own feet but there was still that hint of childishness that Kyuhyun loved about him. A drama, Donghae said, and Hyukjae kept pestering him about coming back to Korea for their dance academy still. When they arrived at the restaurant, if Donghae was at all surprised by the appearance of a fourth person, he didn't show it. Kyuhyun was grateful. Zhou Mi looked pleasantly surprised and excited about seeing Donghae again. They all exchanged greetings and quickly sat down for dinner.

"I'm starving, it's been a long day at the filming set." Donghae announced. Kyuhyun nodded in agreement, picking up his menu. 

"I heard Zhou Mi said you have a single coming out. You must be really busy right now." The other Chinese man smiled at him. Kyuhyun lowered his menu.

"Busy, yeah. But not that much right now." He replied in Chinese, shrugging with a smile.

"How long are you staying here in Beijing?"

"Only for five days." Kyuhyun tilted his head as if he was counting.

"Oh, you're staying at Zhou Mi's place, right?"

"Yeah, he is," Zhou Mi answered for him, grinning brightly. Kyuhyun's eyes slid away from the sight of Zhou Mi's hand curled around the other man's arm.

"Let's order. I want the spicy fried chicken!"

  


-

  
"I have your keys, it's fine," Kyuhyun shrugged as Zhou Mi looked at him apologetically.

There was this hollow feeling in his chest that felt a little like devastation.

But did he even know what that meant.

  


-

  
"So he is Zhou Mi's..."

"Yeah." He poured himself another shot. Donghae made a humming sound, his own glass still nearly full. "I've met him before. He's nice." Kyuhyun shrugged. The man was, really. Tall, dark, handsome, not in the entertainment business, screamed of money. Zhou Mi had good taste, sure. 

"So you're staying at Zhou Mi's place?"

"Yeah, we figure it makes more sense than me getting a hotel room, since his apartment has a guest bedroom."

"Oh." Donghae nodded in understanding, "How's Zhou Mi?"

"Good. Great. He has his MC gigs, his own talk show. Told me there might be plans for an album next year as well."

"That's great!"

By his fifth bottle, they were laughing hysterically over something, he couldn't remember, Siwon's latest adventure with his new movie, maybe. Kyuhyun gripped Donghae's arm to keep himself from falling over and somehow ended up hitting himself in the face.

"Hey, hey," Donghae snickered, holding him upright, "Kyuhyunie, wanna get home for the night yet?"

"Mhm... not really." He buried his nose in Donghae's shoulder, the world suddenly tilting and spinning.

"I can't stay for long though... I have filming early morning tomorrow." Donghae patted his back apologetically. Kyuhyun stayed where he was for a few more moments before pulling himself away.

"Okay. Let's go."

Donghae helped him walk out of the bar. The cold night air was almost a slap in the face. Kyuhyun took a deep breath, steadying himself.

"Do you want me to help you home?"

Kyuhyun almost started to shake his head but thought better on it. "It's okay, just get me a taxi."

"Hey, you'll be okay?" Donghae's hands were on both sides of face, and Kyuhyun suddenly had a feeling Donghae wasn't just asking about Kyuhyun's ability to walk in a straight line. He laughed, patting Donghae's face in response.

"Yeah, yeah, of course. It's been years."

As he poured himself into the backseat of the taxi, Kyuhyun closed his eyes. Beijing street lights were bright and pulsing against his eyelids as the car drove past the city. The way the world didn't revolve around him shouldn't bother him, but it did.

"Wait," he slurred out in Chinese to his taxi driver.

  


-

  
He wasn't nearly half as drunk as he would like to be when he stepped into the bar, but it didn't really matter that much. He was only halfway through his drink when he felt a strong, solid hand on his hips.

"What's your name?" The man smiled. He had a nice smile. Nice eyes as well. Tall. Really nice. Kyuhyun looked up, smiling back at him.

"Guixian."

  


-

  
(The story was they were backstage of another show, he was weighed down with a deep ache in the back of his head, his whole body heavy and floating in the simmering fever. He had cotton-wool on his tongue and sandpaper at the back of his throat, his eyes kept flashing in muddy colours every time the cameras flashed, and he only realised his legs were shaking when he leaned closer to Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi turned to look at him with a smile on his lips when he felt Kyuhyun's grip on his arm, but the smile slowly faded when he took in Kyuhyun's expression.

"Are you okay? Is your fever getting worse?" Zhou Mi raised a hand to press lightly against the side of his face, and Kyuhyun let him. The long fingers were cool and comforting against his cheek.

"What would you say if I said I love you."

"What?" 

Zhou Mi's hand dropped from his face. Kyuhyun's voice was low and small in the loud bustle of pre-show backstage, but he knew they'd both heard it loud and clear in their small corner.

"I'm in love with you." He winced as he said it, his own breathing harsh and loud to his own ears. Zhou Mi stared at him, confusion clear in the quirk of his lips. As if it was a joke he didn't quite understand just yet and he was waiting for Kyuhyun to explain the punch line. Kyuhyun held his gaze and watched as Zhou Mi's expression slowly shifted from confusion to disbelief and then to panic as realisation set in that this was not quite a joke.

"I. What. That's not true." Zhou Mi's whisper was almost frantic as he took an unconscious step back. "You are not. You don't."

"But what if I am?" Kyuhyun took a step forward, leaning close. Zhou Mi's hand held him back.

"You must be mistaken."

"How do you know?" He tried to catch Zhou Mi's gaze, but it wasn't quite working. 

"You have a fever."

"Zhou Mi..."

"Don't. You are not... in love, Kyuhyun. You have a fever." Zhou Mi's hand was back on his face, but his eyes were elsewhere. Kyuhyun nodded and swallowed. His throat burned.

"Okay."

"What...?"

"Okay, I get it. It's fine." He pulled Zhou Mi's hand away from his face and stepped back, just in time for the stage manager to come in and called for them all.

"Time to get on stage, boys!" He shouted, and they shuffled out into bright lights and deafening crowd. Kyuhyun smiled as the cameras erupted in flash and the beat thumped under his feet. He got it, really. This was just the part of the story where he was supposed to fall out of love.)

 

(The story was of course he knew when the story had started this arc. 

"It's amusing how just a tiny harmless gesture riles them all up," he once told Zhou Mi in passing, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, "when you do it all quiet-like, they assume it's all genuine and private." He leaned closer, brushing a hand up Zhou Mi's shoulder in demonstration. Zhou Mi's skin was warm under the fabric of his shirt and Kyuhyun's palm.

"So it's all an act." Zhou Mi's sentence came out half like a question later that night.

"It's our job to put on a show." Kyuhyun shrugged.

"So it's not real."

He turned to look at Zhou Mi's expression. Wide eyes and tight lips. He didn't quite read it as heartbreak, because he had never seen it before. "Of course it isn't."

In retrospect, that must have been when Zhou Mi closed that chapter of their story.)

  


-

  
"You're not Chinese, are you?" The man bit down on his lower lips, and Kyuhyun gasped into the kiss, the hint of tongue hot on his own.

"No," Kyuhyun fumbled with the lock as his back was pressed against the door of Zhou Mi's apartment. There was a hand roaming under his shirt, and Kyuhyun banged his head against the door as it stroked up his spine.

"Where are you from?"

"What does it matter?" He finally managed to kick the door open and pulled both of them in. The door slammed close behind them.

"Your accent is really hot, Guixian." The man finally tore his jacket and shirt off him at the same time, and Kyuhyun laughed.

He had half a thought that maybe anonymous kisses against his jaw and alcohol in his blood could somehow dissolve the lump in his throat. Devastation was a lovely way to end a day.

(But that was still a lie, because obviously he had no idea what devastation meant.)

As the man thrust into him and his arms gave out, leaving him sprawled on the bed, fucked raw and open, it hit him how he had never gotten over it, not really. Not after Zhou Mi had said "That's not true, you must be mistaken." Not after Zhou Mi had boarded the plane back to China after the end of Super Junior M. Not after they had met again one full year after the facts and they'd laughed together over dinner and baijiu like nothing had ever happened. Not after Zhou Mi had told him he'd found someone and he'd said congratulations and really meant it. It had just been pushed back to the furthest drawer in his mind, that niggling knowledge of may-have-beens and could-have-beens and what-ifs. Self-preservation, because saying "I'm over it" was safer and easier than admitting how deep it really ran underneath his skin. His fists curled around the bedsheet as he sobbed into them, his teeth scraping his knuckles raw red as the man pounded into him, strong hands bruising his thigh and hips. He had never gotten over it, not really, not when he came in a mess with the phantom sensation of Zhou Mi's breathing hot against his mouth, lips forming words he could not decipher.

He ended up doing laundry at three in the morning because somehow his paranoid mind refused to let Zhou Mi know he'd had sex in Zhou Mi's apartment. As he stood there watching the machine shake and hum, his body sore and bruised and deliciously languid, there was also that feeling of emptiness where everything Zhou Mi used to be.

There was comfort in the physical realm, not in touches and kisses but in the way the body struggled for every gasping breath, the cold seeping into its bones, angles bruised raw and aching.

  


-

  
(And then there was this one time, long before the day he'd had that fever that had his knees shaking, when Zhou Mi tugged at his sleeves in a quiet moment, and Kyuhyun blearily looked up, mind blank with static noise and eyes burning from exhaustion. Zhou Mi's mouth formed the words in perfectly rounded Korean- "I love you," - _I love you?_ \- and he was not smiling, and Kyuhyun's first reaction was to recoil.

"Let me throw up a little in my mouth," he said, and Zhou Mi's hand abruptly dropped from his arm. The warm body pulled away from his, and Kyuhyun's hand shot out to grasp Zhou Mi's shoulder.

Zhou Mi's lips stayed two inches away from his own, his breath warm and sweet. Kyuhyun reached up, and their lips met in a soft, wet kiss. There was a flick of tongue, and his teeth bit down lightly on Zhou Mi's lower lip.

"Don't say that ever again," he whispered between the bumps and bites of their kisses, and Zhou Mi gasped into his mouth as his back hit the wall.)

  


-

  
In the early morning, the sky was a light shade of blue, dry and soft and faded. The sunshine was cracking against solf blue. There was that jaded feeling of a brilliantly bright spring day, an all-too-perfect day that made your skin itch with uneasiness. That uneasy feeling crawled under his skin, wrapping its scratchy vines around his body and dragging him down. A couple of years down the line... The cotton sheet felt uncomfortably warm and rough against his skin. The dry sunlight was threatening to crack him open. He wiggled his toes and spread his arms under the comforter, feeling idle and lethargic. It wasn't hot and real, the air just felt too warm and hazy.

The truth was he just wanted Zhou Mi to be as lonely as he was.

  


-

  
(That first time they met again, one whole year after the end of Super Junior, the truth was he'd had the plane ticket for that Seoul - Beijing flight for over a month at the bottom of his bag. He carried it everywhere, the weight of the piece of paper burned into him a reminder every day. Beneath the plane ticket was a lone bent and slightly squashed cigarette, something Heechul had given him the last time they'd seen each other.

"You shouldn't invest on people if you don't get a return on it," Heechul said as he lit his cigarette, not seeming to mind that Kyuhyun had no intention of lighting his own.

"I can't be his friend," he wanted to slap himself the moment the words came out, but it was too late. Heechul rolled his eyes and let out a loud sigh.

"Don't be overdramatic, you're not Jungsoo. Get on that plane, go to see him, and it will all work out. Ask yourself if having him as a friend is worth more than nothing at all."

It was. Best friends, ex-friends, it turned out he would take anything he could get. His stomach was doing fucking flips, and he needed half the minibar in his hotel room before he could go to their meeting point, half-drunk, but as they shared stories and laughed together over dinner and rice wine, it was as if nothing had changed and the last two years had never happened. This was enough, Kyuhyun thought. It didn't matter that he gripped Zhou Mi a little tighter than he had meant to when they said their goodbyes. Zhou Mi hugged him back just as hard.)

  


-

  
Sometimes Zhou Mi made it hard for him to remember that they were not what they used to be anymore.

  


-

  
He busied himself with interviews and press appearances in the next few days. He was almost surprised how he didn't end up meeting Zhou Mi at the broadcasting stations once, though Zhou Mi laughed and promised him next time, he would definitely invite Kyuhyun to be on his program, his stay was just too short this time. Zhou Mi came home some days, other days he didn't. Sometimes he even called to check up on him.

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“No, you need a manager.” Zhou Mi chuckled into the phone, and Kyuhyun closed his eyes, leaning back against his chair. The cold air of the bare kitchen was seeping inside his skin, leaving him shivering lightly, but he didn’t want to get up just yet.

"I already have two."

When he finally put away the phone, it was close to four o’clock. The sun was setting in the distant horizon, looking glorious and lonely against the stark greyness, slowly draping a darker shade of blue upon the world. He sat shivering in the kitchen, staring as the sun went down until the whole apartment was immerged in darkness.

He retreated back into living room then, curling up with his laptop and a worn blanket. The bedroom had lied abandoned for days, cold and unfamiliar now.

  


-

  
Zhou Mi had a pile of demo tapes of the songs they used to record together in their free time, just random songs they found on the internet and wanted to try out. They were just for fun, silly useless recordings that never saw the light of the day. It didn't take long for Kyuhyun to find them in the bottom drawer of one of Zhou Mi's many closets, buried underneath a pile of random books and CD cases. All neatly labeled in Chinese, _"Kuixian & Zhou Mi's special mix~"_.

Kyuhyun took one, then put everything back to how it'd been in the little drawer.

  


-

  
"Your Chinese has really gotten better! I'm so proud, Kuixian." Zhou Mi wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and it was hard not to lean into the familiar warmth. It was his last day in Beijing and he had his little suitcase, all packed and ready to go on Zhou Mi's doorstep.

"Better than yours." He mumbled in Chinese into the fabric of Zhou Mi's shirt, and Zhou Mi laughed, hitting him lightly with his fist. He pulled back, eyes sweeping over Zhou Mi's bright expression. Completely open and carefree, unlike the hint of guarded endurance he used to have during their SJM years. During the years they had been together. The difference was subtle, but it was there. Kyuhyun could feel it in Zhou Mi's laughter and his eyes.

"You look... happy." Kyuhyun said in Chinese, and when he looked up, he hoped that his face conveyed nothing but genuine happiness.

"Hm?" Zhou Mi looked momentarily surprised by his comment, but then his eyes softened. "Yeah, of course. I am." Zhou Mi's answer was instant and sure. It gripped at something in Kyuhyun's chest, the realisation of how Zhou Mi's life had been whole and happy more than ever in the absence of the whole Super Junior fiasco, of Kyuhyun and their history. That was just fair, he supposed. 

"I'm glad," He patted Zhou Mi's shoulder, tearing his eyes away from the taller man's. "That's great," he switched back to Korean, voice deeper and stronger. "I'm happy for you." 

And that was enough.

It'd been an eventful trip, he supposed. They'd had fun together. He'd met up with Donghae. It was the first time in awhile he'd woken up in the morning and regretted something. He didn't know if he would say it was bad though. There was just this hollow feeling that made him vaguely realise he'd let go of a certain thing.

"I guess I have to go now."

  


-

  
(It was easy the first time Kyuhyun pressed his lips against Zhou Mi's. It was easy, almost expected. Zhou Mi's lips were soft and slightly sweet with a hint of the lip balm he just applied a few hours ago, and the press of lips against lips were almost casual and comforting. They were outside a building, just slightly hidden behind the edge of the wall, but it didn't feel dangerous. Early morning, it felt like they were the only people in the world at that moment. Kyuhyun thought it was almost just like an off-hand gesture, quick and chaste like the way his fingers slid into Zhou Mi's hand. When they parted, Zhou Mi was staring at him, strangely not smiling, but his eyes were soft and dark and that was all they needed.

They didn't talk about the kiss. In fact, they never talked about all the subsequent kisses, not even the way Kyuhyun leaned more against Zhou Mi's broad chest, his head resting comfortably on Zhou Mi's bony shoulders when they lounged around in the dorm, not even about the way Zhou Mi's hands possessively curled around and softly stroked Kyuhyun's waist, seeming unable to let go.)

  


-

  
"What are you listening to?" His manager asked him on the plane, looking bored out of his mind.

"Hm?" Kyuhyun blinked, pressing pause, "Oh. Just potential material for my next album, I guess." He smiled, and pressed play again.

  


-

  



End file.
